How to get better at saying no
How often do you say yes when you really mean no? As humans, we are pre-programmed to say yes. We are social animals. We want to be helpful. We want to be involved and perhaps most importantly, we want to please others. But sometimes saying yes can be the wrong thing to do, particularly when you’re busy, have taken on too much and are struggling to prioritise.
Nobody can say yes to everything - you can’t be productive if you have too much to do. And when you are drowning in commitments – work, family, social etc., you can start to feel stressed and perhaps a bit angry and resentful as well. Nobody wins if saying yes leads to compromises and sometimes saying yes all the time can indicate a lack of self-confidence and self-belief.
Time to turn the tables?
So, if saying yes is your automatic response, what can you do to turn the tables and start to say no more and mean it?
To many of us saying no does not come naturally. It can have negative connotations and as a result we fear rejection, disappointing someone, making them angry, hurting their feelings or appearing rude or unkind. But saying no means you can focus on the things that really matter to you. It also enables you to increase your focus, gain strength and be kind to yourself.
Put yourself first
Avoid feeling guilty for putting yourself first and prioritise your wellbeing by taking care of your time, energy and sanity. Once you learn how to say no and it becomes a habit, people will understand and respect your decisions and as a result, you will start to feel better.
Here are my tips for saying that all important little word without offending anyone. If you are polite and honest, it will be ok. Most of the time saying no is more stressful than hearing no. And believe me, once you’ve mastered it, you will not look back.
Practice saying no. Imagine a likely scenario and then practice saying no so that you feel more comfortable saying it.
Avoid saying “I’ll think about it” if you really mean no. This will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more anxious.
Say it clearly. Avoid any misunderstanding by saying – “no I can’t” or “no, that doesn’t work for me”.
Refrain from apologising. Make sure that you are not saying sorry for anything. You don’t have to justify your reasons or offer an explanation.
Pre-empt a request. If you know something is heading your way that you want to say no to, you could for example prevent it from happening by saying in advance that you are too busy working on another project to take on any additional work.
Buy yourself time. To give yourself an opportunity to collect your thoughts, you could say you will get back to someone once you have checked your diary, or liaised with others, or practise pausing before responding.
Propose an alternative. If you want to do what is being asked, but the timing does not work for you, why not respond by proposing different dates or times?
“It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are most important!”
Steve Jobs
Finally, it’s good to remember that your self-worth does not depend on what you do or don’t do for other people, or how they feel about you. It’s all about how you value yourself, making the right choices for you and being happy about your decisions.
If you’d like some help to learn how to harness the power of no, please get in touch. I can support you through bespoke one-to-one coaching, or development programmes, enabling you to better manage your time, whilst increasing your self-confidence, assertiveness and productivity. So have a go at saying no and let me know how you get on!